| living in Bonny Doon. Happy Labor Day |
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| 12:58pm 05/09/2005 |
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mood:  content
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Well here I am living in Bonny Doon. My place is pretty rad...a small studio all to myself. I've finally nestled in and made it cozy and filled it with me. The poo-cleaning isn't going to badly either; I'm getting faster and faster at it. Besides its not bad work at all, and the alpacas always make me laugh. They're always doing funny things.
Yesterday was pretty awesome too: I went surfing on my new board (my brother rocks), found a road bike at a garage sale for 7 bucks, and got a free quart of Baskin Robins (I had a pint certificate from giving blood, but all they had were quarts, so thats what they gave me), and cooked some Chicken Alfredo (which turned out pretty darn well I must say). And now here I am bumming around watching episodes of Last Exile and thinking about how I should do my laundry somehow.
And now I have two things to worry about: 1.) finding a new job by the end of September, and 2.) making new friends since so many have moved away. I'm on it... |
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| Alpacas |
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| 12:07pm 22/08/2005 |
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mood: jubilant
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I just got a position where I work on a ranch with Alpacas (camelids: relatives to the llama) for a few hours in the morning in exchange for my own little studio apartment on the ranch. No rent. In Santa Cruz (technically in Bonny Doon, but close enough). I'm not sure how to express how amazing that is, because that means that I'll be saving about $600 a month not paying rent, with my own place. This will mean that I get to stay in SC indefinitely and keep doing Tae Kwon Do, surf whenever I want, and be rich off a part time job. Life is wonderful.
Now if only all my friends could stay in SC too. |
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Read 3 - Post |
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| Online Quizzes, how fun! |
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| 07:55pm 24/04/2005 |
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Your element is Water: Understanding, intelligent,
quiet and calm. You know who you are and no one
can change that. Usually quiet but only because
you're listening, don't let anyone think you
haven't got an opinion! You're not quiet because
your shy or sad, you're usually quiet because
you're thinking. Your answers are well planned
and helpful so people generally seek your
advice. You're the perfect balance between
solitary and outgoing. But sometimes you need a
little time to yourself to sort out your
emotions and figure things out. You understand
the phrase 'sticks and stones' and rarely let
things get to you, whats that important for you
to have to get so upset over? You know what you
want out of life but are simply taking your
time and enjoying things. To you your life is
fine as it is, you can always change things
later if you're not happy.
.:-|What is your true element?|-:. -With Anime Pictures and detailed answers-
brought to you by Quizilla |
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| 11th Keup |
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| 12:18am 17/04/2005 |
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mood: accomplished music: Seal-Crazy (Orange Factory Mix)
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I just took my first Tae Kwon Do promotional test today!! It was a good test overall, though I made a few mistkes (forgetting a few kihaps, adding an extra kick, and oh yeah...lower block when upper was called (ps -listen- to the instructions)). So come monday I should be 11th keup...that means, assuming I keep moving at the same pace, a test every two months, a year from now I'll be 5th keup--a green belt, one stripe. I can't believe how fast its gonna go! It'll be fun to read this in a year and remember where I was at a year ago. I've already come a long way in the last three and a half months.
Not to mention I've made a bunch of new friends! Which is totally awesome timing-wise since I'm about to graduate and most of my current friends will be gone.
And I worked Porterpalooza today. All in all a pretty great day...that seems to be mostly what I have these days :) Not a bad thing at all. I hope for more! |
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| The Story of Jason and Travis Part 2 |
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| 11:07pm 25/03/2005 |
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The Story of Jason and Travis Part 2
"hi, you sent me a message on planetout"
--"hey there"
"i'm jason"
--"I'm Travis, nice to meet you. How old are you?"
"14, you?"
--"I'm 15"
"that's cool. What grade are you?"
--"I'm just about to start my Junior year"
"cool. i'll be a freshman"
--"hey I think I hear my mom...I gotta go. I'll talk to you later okay?"
"k, later"
From that night on, Jason and I became quick online friends. Within a few nights, we had traded pictures with eachother, and stories about being gay. I thought he was the hottest guy, and he was so sweet too. I found out later that he wrestled for his highschool team, which added to his hotness. But it was something that could never be because we were both too young to drive, and we lived 50 miles away from eachother (I didn't get my license until I was almost 17). So we remained online friends for the next year or so. Although we went through periods of not talking, all in all we consistently chatted with eachother and kept eachother up to date with the goings-on in our lives. At one point I traded some music that I wrote for some poems that he wrote. I remember that his was the first poetry I'd ever read that made me feel something (I've never been a huge fan of poetry).
My senior year came around and became too busy and social to consistently get online and chat; around that point our late night chats nearly came to a halt. Eventually I graduated from highschool and made my way to UCSC. I thought about him a few times when I drove to and from Santa Cruz with my parents, since we would pass through Dixon. I'd wonder what he was doing, and if he was somewhere near by. But still we had never met, and at that point we barely talked any more, so he had almost joined the graveyard of my "old online friends".
One day in my freshman year of college, I randomly got an IM from him. I never told him about this, but at that point it had been so long since we last talked that I actually forgot his name! I defintely remembered who he was--I don't think I could ever forget him--but his name escaped my head. Part way through our conversation it came to me, but it didn't really matter at that point anyway. So we spent a while catching up, and eventually it came around to the topic of guys. That was when I found out that he had a boyfriend. Another guy named Travis. I didn't tell him then, but that made me so incredibly jealous. Good, so he found someone that made him happy, but it still made me way more jealous than I expected and probably way more than was reasonable, but still I felt that it should have been me, not some other Travis. We chatted a bit more, and he tried to say hi after that, but I was so butthurt by that that I didn't really try to keep talking to him. So I lost contact with him yet again. I still thought about him from time to time and wondered 'how things could have been.'
A year passed by, and my thoughts about him nearly faded away until one day XY Magazine...XY Magazine did it again. It was already kind of an odd time in my life, becuase I'd had three very odd blasts from the past: all of them involved me finding out that one of my "old online friends" was really a sad old man posing as a teenager. I still had a few online friends that I kept close with and trusted, but all in all I became pretty jaded to the internet. Anyway, ever since I started college, I'd begun to buy XY magazine since I had always wanted to since I first read about it. I had just picked up an issue at Borders in Santa Cruz, and I was reading through a section that featured the poetry of various readers, when I read a poem from a boy named Jason from Dixon, CA!! There happened to be a picutre with the poem, and I immediately recognized it as one of the old pictures that we'd traded a few years back. I couldn't believe it, I found Jason in XY magazine! After that I really started thinking about him a lot again. Interestingly enough, I was browsing through Hotornot.com one day for people near Sacramento, and I came across him again!! I clicked to meet him, and he agreed within the next day or so, but there was nothing we could do about it since neither of us had paid. I had to get in contact with him again though, so I paid the five dollars to become a hotornot.com member, and I promptly sent him a message.
Within a day I got an excited message back saying hello and giving me his new screenname. After all those years we found eachother again! This time I told myself that boyfriend or not, I would keep in touch with him, becuase I remembered how much we enjoyed talking to eachother. We started talking online again, and it was like no time had passed; we were good friends all over again. I soon found out that he had recently broken up with Travis after almost 2 years (I gave a silent cheer), and was finishing his senior year in highschool. I decided that I wanted to really talk to him at this point, so I decided to ask if I could call him. Conveniently, I had just gotten a new cellphone, and it had free nightime minutes; it was perfect because he was always a nightowl anyway.
I was too embarrased to talk to him in front of Peter, and I didn't get reception in the room, so I took the phone out to the Porter Squiggle, curled up underneath it and gave him a call. We talked for hours. That began a small era where I called him several times a week and talked for hours with him, always with me curled up underneath the squiggle. I remember some really beautiful nights where it was incredibly foggy and cold, but so perfect. I didn't mind the cold so much, becuase I loved staying up and talking with him.
As the summer approached, we started talking about how we would have to finally hang out after all those years. But he told me that nothing could happen because he was leaving for the Airforce in September.
--That's okay, we'll just hang out and have a good time...
--You can feel it. You know that's a lie. You'll fall in love with him the second you see him...
--Its already started, its too late...
Even then, after only a few months of talking with him again, I could feel an incredibly strong attachment to him. I tried to ignore it because I knew that it was probably some old self-destructive habits resurfacing, but it was too strong to ignore. I almost wanted to stop talking to him all over again, because I could see where this was headed. The connection was there, it was only a matter of time and we would fall in love, and then he would leave. But I couldn't, I just couldn't. As the quarter ended and summer began, I decided that if there was the possibility that we could fall in love, that was worth all of the pain. So I put on my swim cap and dove in head-first.
The very last week before summer, I went to visit home before I started my Summer Orientation job. But more than to visit my family, I made my way up there because I made plans with Jason to meet at Club 21 for the first time. To avoid potential awkwardness, I brought Charlene with me.
We got to the club, and waited in line to enter. I was constantly looking around to see if I could see him, but I didn't. We eventually got in to the club and made our way to the dance floor. We danced for about 15 minutes and still I didn't see him. And then I did. There he was across the club, dancing on some girl. And I freaked...I got so nervous that I just turned away and pretended not to see him. After all these years there he was, and I didn't know what to do. So Charlene and I kept dancing, and I stopped looking around the club for him. Another 10 minutes or so when by when suddenly someone started dancing on me from behind...I turned and there he was! That broke the barrier, all my nervousness left, and I yelled "Jason!!" I gave him a big hug and started dancing with him. It was too loud in the club to talk, but that was okay. I was content just dancing with him. But he stopped. I knew it was because we were 'just friends' since he was leaving for the Airforce. He told me he'd be back, but that he wanted to find his friends again. It was just me and Charlene again. Quite a while went by, and Charlene and I started to get tired. I didn't see any sign of Jason anymore, so I decided that we would just slip out the door. As we were leaving we happened to run into Jason; I told him that we were leaving and he gave me a pouty sad face (so cute!). But he said okay and stepped toward me to give me a hug. But then he kissed me on the lips!!! It was a short kiss and quite shocking, but still nice nonetheless.
And that was that; a brief first visit with Jason. I went back to Santa Cruz the next day, and had to stay there for the next month to work...I wouldn't be able to see him again for another month! We got back into our routine of late night talks, but only for a while because he left for a vacation. And in those two weeks it really set in. Everything that I had thought before was confirmed: it was only a matter of time and we would fall in love. Never mind all that bullshit about 'just friends'...I knew that he felt the connection too.
The clock was ticking. Only two more weeks until we would hang out again.
--You know this is gonna hurt, right?
--Oh yeah. Its definitely gonna hurt.
--Let's do it then.
To be continued...
[An aside from the story, as I'm writing this the All American Rejects just came on the radio. Its the song that I most strongly associate with my summer with Jason. How odd.] |
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Read 2 - Post |
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| happy happy |
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| 09:22pm 25/03/2005 |
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mood: happy
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happy happy happy
that's me :)
Just cuz
So I didn't get in to college...I was bummed at first (blow to the ego for sure), but now I'm really quite happy and relieved about it. NO MORE SCHOOL!!!! At least not for a while...until I get my GRE scores up. Anyway, what does it matter? College degrees don't guarantee happiness. So now I get to do whatever the heck I want and risk failing completely and I love it!
And its exciting because I don't necessarily have to leave the Santa Cruz-ish area. As much as I don't want to live in Santa Cruz anymore, I really don't want to leave the dojang that I've joined (I do Tae Kwon Do by the way for those of you who I haven't talked to in a long time, and I love it with such a passion!). And I'm about to do my first belt test . 2 weeks!
Furthermore, I just got back from LA (not a fan of LA) where there was a big physics conference. I actually got to present my thesis work down there, which was totally awesome. It went well, and aside from that I got to see a lot of really interesting talks on interesting physics. So now I'm about to start my last quarter of college and I don't gotta do jack sheeeit! I love it! Just gotta write a little biddy thesis, but that won't be a problem...16 pages already down, 60 or so more to go.
Maybe I'll start to write in here consistently...but then again I've said that many times. I guess its just useful for when I wanna get stuff out or down on paper, or just go on about how happy I am :)
happy happy happy |
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| Derek |
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| 10:04am 28/11/2004 |
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I think this link should work...here's me and Derek:
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| Thanksgiving Break |
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| 09:57am 28/11/2004 |
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mood: happy music: Chemical Brothers - Not Another Drugstore (planet Nine Mix) (Radio XY)
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Wow I had the most amazing Thanksgiving break!! It started with me getting home after a lonnnnng drive and hanging out with my parents for a bit. Then later that night I went out to Club 21 with Hilary and her boy (I'm blanking his name). We had quite a bit of fun, but no guys danced with me. No biggie though, cuz the people there were majorly flaming and queeny. It also smelled kinda weird...but dancing was fun! And it was cool to hang out with Hilary and her boy.
The next day was thanksgiving and me and my family just pretty much lazed around most the day, having a good time and eating good food. Of course my mom made the most amazing thanksgiving dinner (we ate chicken...screw turkey, chicken's way better) and I ate until it hurt. After that we watched Shrek 2, which was pretty funny.
The third day there was the amazing one. My brother left early to go to work and me and my mom were waiting around to go to Radio Shack to pick up a mounting kit for my radio. I was getting ready to go when somebody drove down our road. My dad had just gone into the back room, and so my mom asked me if I would go out there and redirect them since we've had a lot of people coming to our house lately thinking its our neighbors. So I go outside and I see the guy get out of his car...I think to myself its kinda odd that he looks so young since the people back behind us are old. He comes up to the gate and I ask if I can help him, and he barely opened his mouth when my head just reeled...if there was ever a childhood best friend, his name was Derek (it was like movie-style best friends, hanging out with eachother every day)..well it was Derek!!! I haven't seen him for 12 years since he left for New York!!!!!!! It was the coolest thing in the world. I guess he had stopped by the day before I arrived and told my mom he was gonna drop in and surprise me. I was totally set up! Oh man though I could almost cry thinking about it, I was so happy. He stayed at our house for the rest of the day and had dinner with us and told us stories about Iraq (he's in the Airforce and has been on the frontlines for the last year--he's TacP if you know what that is (ie Jason))). It was pretty amazing. And then he offered for me to come stay in Germany with him this summer for a while at his place. Seriously, I could almost die now. I remember how devestated I was when he left...I cried a lot. I always knew I'd see him againt though. So now I hope that we can get to know each other again, cuz I still feel a really strong bond with him as does my family. He's practically part of our family as far as we're concerened. And he's such a great guy too. I could go on forever about this. If I can figure out how, I'll insert the picture of me and him. |
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| 11:00pm 17/11/2004 |
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music: Kottonmouth Kings - Suburban Life (Radio XY)
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You Are the Enthusiast |
7
You are outgoing and playful - always seeing the happy side to life.
You're enthusiastic and excitable. You love anything new.
Multi-talented, you do many things well... and find success easy.
You prefer to keep things light with others. Opening up is hard for you.
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| Shiver me Timbers! |
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| 08:38pm 17/11/2004 |
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music: Nofx - Mattersville (Radio XY)
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Ha ha ha ha ha ha...Someday when I'm having sex with someone, right at the climax I want to say "Shiver me timbers!!!" Jer and I are laughing about that. It kills me. wooo
And here I am writing another lab report with Peter blasting the Prince of Egypt soundtrack in the background. A really good movie...it actually sparked a thought that someday when I have kids, I want them to go to church or bible school or something. I wonder why...I'm gonna have to think about that becuase I certainly don't go to church and I know only what I've read of the bible. I guess maybe its a heritage thing? Who knows...anyway I sent of my transcripts to UCSD and Stanford today. Each day I'm getting closer and closer to finishing my applications.
Oooh and a new NOFx song is on. How fun. |
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| Mond...er..Tuesday |
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| 04:46pm 01/06/2004 |
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mood: good music: Thrice - A Living Dance Upon Dead Minds (RadioUltra Pop Punk: Radioultra Pop Punk)
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How nice! My room is clean, my laundry is washing, I've finally got most of my pertinent errands done (like e-mailing Bob Siemann about my internshipt at SLAC and canceling my minor in education), and I'm ready to sign up for classes tomorrow.
I'm much more at ease now since I talked with Hua (my physics advisor)...she tells me that the thesis class isn't too intensive next fall, and that I could potentially take Quantum Physics B and General Relatvity both in the fall. That'd be awesome becuase I am really interested in General Relativity, and I kinda want to take 139B but mostly I need to take it for gradschool and post-grad employment; but I'm worried that advanced lab on top of all of that would be overkill. And after this damn quarter I definitely don't want to do overkill again. Just ain't fun. Hua also told me though that I can take advanced lab in the winter, so maybe I can do it all!! That'd be awesome. I guess I just gotta think about it a bit. School...
Oh and I think I may be getting my drive back again! I was totally checking people out today...I think my mating instinct is kicking in. Hell yea. Maybe I'll wanna get myself a date soon! |
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| Happy Memorial Day |
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| 01:42pm 31/05/2004 |
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mood: content music: Rufio - 04 - Just A Memory (RadioUltra Punk: Kick Ass Punk)
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I finally made it to SLAC after two hours of waiting...Matt forgot to set his alarm, so he got up late. But we made it there about 11 in time to let poor Lisa (Bud's grad student) leave her shift of like 30 something hours. And the we ended up staying there until 12:30am! That was a long shift, but I actually learned quite a bit! :) I think I almost know enough that I could run Bud's experiments by myself if necessary, and I think I understand more of the concepts of XAFS (X-Ray Absortption Fine Spectrum). Also I got a ton of Quantum physics done and was able to start on my horrifying final that now doesn't seem so bad. AND I feel like I am understanding QM problems a lot better now too, so yesterday was just a day of learning! And exhausting one though.
But that's okay becuase I slept in until 11 or so, then got up and had a great breakfast up at College 9/10 with Harrison. Gotta love potatoes.
So now I'm left here cleaning my room--which is a disaster--and even starting on packing up my stuff! WOO HOO! Its almost over. I'll be sad to leave this kick-ass room, but its not like I'm leaving my friends or anything. I'm gonna have a great summer :) Hell yea. |
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| uhhh |
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| 08:37am 30/05/2004 |
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mood: confused but happy music: [XRM] - Alternative
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So its 8:30am and I'm supposed to be in Stanford right now. My ride didn't show up and I have no way of getting ahold of him. Not sure what to do...oh well. I don't mind so much since I've got a lot of work to do. But Bud will probably scold me for it even though I have no other way of getting up there since my car is in the shop. Oh yeah, I wonder how its doing. Poor sick Burro (that's my car's name). Should he die, may he rest in peace and may his spirit be reincarnated in the form of a little red Toyota pickup :) |
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| ah scary |
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| 11:30pm 29/05/2004 |
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mood: creeped out music: Screeching Weasel - Trance (RadioUltra Punk: Kick Ass Punk)
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I'm really creeped out in my room for the first time since I've lived in it. I was just sitting in here doing homework and in the middle of a thought, my heart leapt as I got this sudden rush of feeling that I was being watched. I still have it. I can't see anything nearby or outside and I'm freaked... |
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| Turn the radio back on |
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| 08:46pm 29/05/2004 |
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mood:  discontent music: Radioultra
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What has been going on in my life lately? God...so much...
Basically, this quarter has been the shittiest of the year, and the year overall has been my shittiest yet for school; so its not been the greatest of times but I'm gettin by. Right now, there are a few things that are still on my mind pretty frequently (not a linearly independent set though, as a mathemetician might put it):
Physics
Physics
My future with physics
Work
Queer Fashion Show (even though its over)
Dating-the lack thereof
The physics has been pretty much ridiculously hard this quarter; Quantum Mechanics is kicking my ass this hardcore right now and I'm struggling to catch up, Electrodynamics has been okay but I can't seem to pull good grades on the tests which is frustrating since I feel like I know the stuff, and Practical Electronics is a ton of work (but really cool and fun work). I'm struggling with everything I think becuase for the first half of the quarter I had way too much to do. I admit it. I overextended myself. And now I'm paying for it by having to study my ass off. Its been worrying me quite a bit becuase I am probably going to apply to grad school in the fall, and this is the last quarter that they see on my transcripts. Even though I have good grades in general, if I don't do well this quarter it'll be the end of a three quarter decline, which means that Stanford isn't probably an option. Maybe I won't do gradschool right away. Actually I'm not sure I could handle any more school for a while anyway. Who knows what I'm going to do...I am enjoying electronics quite a bit though...maybe I'll go work for Intel or something. I am excited about my Practical Electronics final project though, becuase since our awesome teacher told us we could take an incomplete in the class and turn in the final project I decided that I'm going to design a radio telescope for my project!! Exciting stuff!
As for work, I've been doing a lot of that recently (about 20 hours this week, which is a ton considering I put in about 40 hours or so on school each week), but its been a good distraction. My boss in the lab, Bud, has been a bit rude to me which is irritating; but I enjoy the work quite a bit. Tomorrow I'll find myself up at the Stanford Linear Accelerator again, which is pretty exciting. Oh yeah! I have an internship this summer up there for a month as well, so that's also pretty cool.
I can't believe that Queer Fashion Show is still affecting me even after several weeks of being done with it. I've felt like I've been in a funk since that hellish week that it opened. The show went really well over all, but it was the whole "Father Figure" deal that has been messing with me. I feel like I take most of the responsibility for the decision to have the dildo removed from the piece since I was the one most passionate about it, and I feel like thats put me in a really awful place in the community here. I went in to that show being a community leader of the general queer community (and a good one too I'd say!), but that I left the show feeling discredited by half of it for "censoring" the piece and doing what I passionately felt was the right thing to do. I mean good lord, having the dildo in the show caused so much strife -within- the cast community (cast memebers crying, feeling attacked, and threatening to leave the show becuase they couldn't support something with the message that the piece in its old form was portraying), how could I release the piece in that form to the general public? I really feel that it might have put the show in danger of being censored fully and that it was a small sacrifice for that; not to mention it would be awful to have audience memebers from within the queer community get up and walk out becuase they were so offended. When half the cast got so worked up and agressively confrontational about it, I was fucking terrified. I'd never seen people go mob mentality before in person, let alone have that mentality be directed towards me. That was traumatizing...I still feel sick to my stomach when I think about it. I must say though, I really felt that my friends were backing me up, whether or not they agreed with the decision, and I cannot express how incredibly much I appreciate that. I love them so much for it...its almost making me tear up. Oh man! And I gained so much respect for Ryan Jones. I really didn't like him much, and there are still a lot of things about him that irritate me, but I don't know what we would have done if he hadn't been there. He saved our asses with his experience and foresight in conflict mediation. And Athena! What a hippie idea to have everybody circle up and talk about it (the whole fucking cast of 160 people! Unbelieveable!), but it was a flash of much needed brilliance and it worked! Anyway, in the end it all turned out okay and everybody loved the show from what I heared, so that's good and man am I glad its over. I just can't shake that feeling...ugh...
Acutally I think that's what's partially responsible for my lack of dating. For whatever reason I have been attracted to almost no one. Its not like I don't have a sex drive, cuz I've definitely had that...I just haven't been finding many people attractive. I'm beginning to wonder if its because my tastes are now going towards slightly older men. Ones that I'm not surrounded by since I live in the dorms. Who knows. It'd be great to get out of this and begin dating again this summer, cuz I haven't dated anyone since Aram and I'm really beginning to get the itch. Not to mention I've been missing Jason again quite a bit lately. I've actually had two dreams about him in the last week or so, which is kinda odd since I've had maybe two dreams about him before. Fuck you Oklahoma and give him back!!! I'LL TAKE ON YOUR WHOLE DAMN STATE! It'd be nice to see him again sometime...
Oh and speaking of military, I just read about the proposal for reinstating the draft. Definitley a scary thought, but I don't think it'll go through. Even the defense secretary says it won't happen...it'd be insane to try. I mean if people nowadays get so worked up over a dildo, I can't imagine what would happen.
I gotta say I've been feeling rather old lately. Not creepy old man old, but I see college students now and a lot of them seem young to me. It think its time to graduate. Two quarters left!
And now back to physics...oi |
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Read 4 - Post |
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| Again its been a while... |
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| 08:42pm 11/04/2004 |
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So I guess I haven't been a particularly consistent journal writer, but whatever...
It's about quarter to 9 now and I just finished dinner and am listening to classical music. I had the second part of the director's review today from 2-8, so I'm pretty beat. And now I have a lot of electromagnetics homework due tomorrow before 3. That should be loads of fun to try to finish. The director's review went AWESOME though, and so I'm even more excited about Queer Fashion Show. Its really gonna be great this year. There has been a little bit of strife with some people in the cast, but a little patch-work has seemed to fix that.
Happy Easter by the way.
It was pretty cool today before the director's review, because my dad decided to go flying today so I told him he should fly here with the family and visit me. It was pretty windy so my mom opted out, but she sent along a little blackberry pie with my bro and my dad. And I got lunch out of it! Totally sweet! I'm pretty exicted about the pie...I'm gonna go dig into it soon.
And wow my room has gotten messy; not its usual dirty-clothes-everywhere messy, but electrical things and tools all over the place. I guess thats what happens when you take only hardcore physics classes: you get super nerdy. Not that I really care.
Until next time... |
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| Good day! |
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| 04:48am 20/01/2004 |
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Naughty journal writer again... tsk tsk it's been too long. Oh and
naughty RA while we're at it... ha ha
I got scolded by one of my residents this evening for tap dancing in the bathroom with 4 of my friends. Apparently it was loud or something. Oops. And just before that I helped turn my quiet hall in to a circus! How's that for RA rebellion?
Besides that though, it's nearly 5am, and I'm getting quite retarded, but I had a lot of fun with some friends who I don't hang out with too often. It all started around 3 or so when Aram and I went downtown to study (which we did a good amount of). After we came back and hit up dinner, we were gonna play video games in my room, but instead played around on my indo-board and juggled for several hours with Kelsey and Moury. Then came the tap dancing; then latenight on the College 8 stage, picnic style. Good times. We all then came back and hung out in my room until 2 am just crackin eachother up, being creepy, and all around having a good time. Oooh and they all parked my car with me. That was so nice! :) Then after they left, 2 hours of data analysis flew by, along with Kayla asking me if I knew how to identify drugs cuz she found a very suspicious sack of white powder in her bathroom. I suggested that we call the campus police to take it. And so now after a nice shower, it's 5 to 5, I'm nearly catatonic, but all around in a good mood.
I wonder if I'll go to the gym at 6:40 this morning with Peter and all...or will I sleep on my couch until 7ish to get up for physics lab?? I'm probably not going to get in bed, cuz I'm afraid that it's comfortableness will inhibit me from getting out later. Or maybe I should so that I can sleep more deeply and get a full cycle in. Hmm... I think I might be babbling, but am I surprised? not really cuz it's 5am in the fucking morning and I'm staring at my lab book. Damn. |
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Read 2 - Post |
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| My Personality |
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| 11:45pm 14/01/2004 |
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Extraverted iNtuitive Feeling Judging
by Joe Butt
Profile: ENFJ
Revision: 2.2
Date of Revision: 7 Dec 99
ENFJs are the benevolent 'pedagogues' of humanity. They have tremendous charisma by which many are drawn into their nurturant tutelage and/or grand schemes. Many ENFJs have tremendous power to manipulate others with their phenomenal interpersonal skills and unique salesmanship. But it's usually not meant as manipulation -- ENFJs generally believe in their dreams, and see themselves as helpers and enablers, which they usually are.
ENFJs are global learners. They see the big picture. The ENFJs focus is expansive. Some can juggle an amazing number of responsibilities or projects simultaneously. Many ENFJs have tremendous entrepreneurial ability.
ENFJs are, by definition, Js, with whom we associate organization and decisiveness. But they don't resemble the SJs or even the NTJs in organization of the environment nor occasional recalcitrance. ENFJs are organized in the arena of interpersonal affairs. Their offices may or may not be cluttered, but their conclusions (reached through feelings) about people and motives are drawn much more quickly and are more resilient than those of their NFP counterparts.
ENFJs know and appreciate people. Like most NFs, (and Feelers in general), they are apt to neglect themselves and their own needs for the needs of others. They have thinner psychological boundaries than most, and are at risk for being hurt or even abused by less sensitive people. ENFJs often take on more of the burdens of others than they can bear.
TRADEMARK: "The first shall be last"
This refers to the open-door policy of ENFJs. One ENFJ colleague always welcomes me into his office regardless of his own circumstances. If another person comes to the door, he allows them to interrupt our conversation with their need. While discussing that need, the phone rings and he stops to answer it. Others drop in with a 'quick question.' I finally get up, go to my office and use the call waiting feature on the telephone. When he hangs up, I have his undivided attention!
Functional Analysis
Extraverted Feeling rules the ENFJ's psyche. In the sway of this rational function, these folks are predisposed to closure in matters pertaining to people, and especially on behalf of their beloved. As extraverts, their contacts are wide ranging. Face-to-face relationships are intense, personable and warm, though they may be so infrequently achieved that intimate friendships are rare.
Like their INFJ cousins, ENFJs are blessed through introverted intuition with clarity of perception in the inner, unconscious world. Dominant Feeling prefers to find the silver lining in even the most beggarly perceptions of those in their expanding circle of friends and, of course, in themselves. In less balanced individuals, such mitigation of the unseemly eventually undermines the ENFJ's integrity and frequently their good name. In healthier individuals, deft use of this awareness of the inner needs and desires of others enables this astute type to win friends, influence people, and avoid compromising entanglements.
The dynamic nature of their intuition moves ENFJs from one project to another with the assurance that the next one will be perfect, or much more nearly so than the last. ENFJs are continually looking for newer and better solutions to benefit their extensive family, staff, or organization.
Sensing is extraverted. ENFJs can manage details, particularly those necessary to implement the prevailing vision. These data have, however, a magical flexible quality. Something to be bought can be had for a song; the same something is invaluable when it's time to sell. (We are not certain, but we suspect that such is the influence of the primary function.) This wavering of sensory perception is made possible by the weaker and less mature status with which the tertiary is endowed.
Introverted Thinking is least apparent and most enigmatic in this type. In fact, it often appears only when summoned by Feeling. At times only in jest, but in earnest if need be, Thinking entertains as logical only those conclusions which support Feeling's values. Other scenarios can be shown invalid or at best significantly inferior. Such "Thinking in the service of Feeling" has the appearance of logic, but somehow it never quite adds up.
Introverted Thinking is frequently the focus of the spiritual quest of ENFJs. David's lengthiest psalm, 119, pays it homage. "Law," "precept," "commandment," "statute:" these essences of inner thinking are the mysteries of Deity for which this great Feeler's soul searched. |
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Read 1 - Post |
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| BIG HISTORY |
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| 05:45pm 14/12/2003 |
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Saddam Hussein was caputed today. Oh my god. That's huge...I almost don't believe it because it seems too good to be true. |
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